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Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007

Subject:Well....
Time:8:14 AM on Tuesday,
January 2, 2007
Mood: loved.
I got this grand idea to post in this journal on rare and special occasions from my friend philip. thankyou. yet another thing i have learned and taken from you. wow, well so much has happened in life, and though i do not feel as if anyone reads these things anymore, im not writing for anyone. purely for me.
well, the other night i was reading past entries, and reflecting on those i had deleted..i guess in hopes that i would forget what ever it was that hurt me so. but here i am a year later, remembering the person i was a year ago, and realizing ive grown immensely. only by the graces of god, who has granted me 18 years and 22 days. it took a lot for me to realize my life is worth living, ive been through so much that to be alive now must mean my life has purpose. and because of the wonderful people i have surrounded myself with throughout the years, i am where i am. one thing we must all understand is that although we may seem miniscule to rest of the world, within us we have capabilities that even WE cannot comprehend. there have been so many people that have been in my life momentarily, but have affected my life so greatly. and in a moment of conceit i will say this, sometimes i feel like you (the people ive been affected by) were placed within my life to change it, for ME to be that much better. because there is such thing as distance and time, and we go seperate ways, doesnt mean i no longer care..it just makes my heart grow fonder. it is my heart and my dreams that are most important to me, and you inhabit both.
i am with love. to say IN love, is so cliche and one can often underestimate its meaning..i want express how beyond just lust or infatuation i am. i am with someone i love. becos of his mind and his heart. he makes me think. and believe in myself. he sees the best in me. and is understanding when i am at my worst. he took care of me when i was sick. and reprimanded for drinking so much. and i love it. i am filled with love for him. for the patience and graciousness he has shown to me. he is truly beautiful. he is a beautiful person and friend. and no you cannot steal my friend.
the past year ive become more honest within myself. I cannot change the world unless I change myself first, ive become my own best friend, and it is the most amazing feeling. ive become more honest with the people around me, my family, the people that try to run from things for fear of being hurt. i heard something that went "time doesnt heal all wounds...it just allows us to amask our insanity" pain is never easy, but its that much more tolerable when you have someone to share it with. you cannot expect time and silence to make things any better, because it wont. i wish my mother would realize this. im changing myself so i can change my world slowly. starting with my mother. im changing myself so i can become a better model for my sister. because i see in her so much potential to be someone and not make the mistakes ive made. i see in her brilliance and everything that i wasnt at her age. i see in her positive growth and for her..and only her. i would risk everything.
this year has made me realize many things. good and bad. but i am greatly that i am alive to experience it all and i hope that this new year is that much better. ummm

yeah.
blah blah blah...

Subject:hmm
Time:7:36 AM on Tuesday,
January 2, 2007
"The Dreaded Just Friends...."
by Anonymousse


you gently kiss my forehead
although its my pursed lips that long for your touch
to ask for anything more
would be asking for too much
like,
a hold
as opposed to a hug
and i know you know the difference
please tell me sweet nothings
tell me in whispers
we dont ever make love
we fuck
and strictly for pleasure
it kills me inside
but at least were together
you do not lay long,
or cuddle when done
but reach for the phone
and answer to your number one
she says something to which you reply
"im thinking of you"
she says something else
you say "im coming real soon"
but truth is youve already came and this she doesnt know
but at least she has you
it is me who's left alone
metaphorically and physically naked
i gave you my all, left it free for the taking
now im the "other woman"
as i promised i wouldnt be
a disappointment to the rules my mother taught me
i have the become the incarnate of why she and my father arent together
the disgust to society
the disgrace to whomever
the "other woman"
as you shower to wash off all traces of me
the scent of Ivory soap fills my nose
permeating through your beautiful Mahogany skin
looking at you makes me realize why its so hard to let go
i acknowledge your goodbyes as you go home to her
recognized you left her gift to you on my dresser
so i cling to it
and the memory of you
blah blah blah...

Tuesday, May 31st, 2005

Time:8:33 PM on Tuesday,
May 31, 2005
SO YOU WANNA HEAR MORE ABOUT MY CRAZED AND DERANGED LIFE.. MY LIFE IS SERIOUSLY LIKE AN UNBELIVEABLE STORY. THIS IS AN EMAIL I SENT MY FRIEND ON FRIDAY. NOTHING OMMITTED

omg... gabby.
i have had the longest two days in the history of my life.. yes i know i always say it. but its super true this time.. i think. i have to tell you about my whooolee day yesterday, but you prolly wont believe it. i didn't really believe it either.
OKAY SO.. friday.. i went to school, i still wasn't feeling too good, but what the heck, im in school. anyways. so im going through the whole day. it was nice. everyone was really sympathetic for me being in the hospital and all. so then, its like after school and im like super tired, but super bored and i really really want to go out. so this weird girl that i dont really like but shes my way around town .. shes like lets go to 14th street. so im like OKAY.. so we are standing on the corner.. and i see none other than adam sandler pass us by in a expedition.. and im like OMG.. that's adam sandler!! so then we end up at 14th..and sarah meets some people she supposedly "knows" and i meet this kidd todd.. whos like okay..and yeah everythings cool. then i meet this kidd named POLLO some "emo" kid.. total prick, but we made amends..sorta..hes such an asshole. so yeah.. im there and aftera while i get really bored and really tired.. and im like okay well i want to go home. i say my goodbyes, get on the subway..
and like im walking to my train and theres this gorgeous italiain guy next to me... so i thought he said "youre a pain in my ass" and like was going to stab me or something.. but instead he was saying.."it must be a pain in your ass..pulling you shirt down all the time." and was pulling his shirt down lol. yeah i know. ima dork. and i like freak out at first cos im like whatd you say?! and he restates himself. and im like oh..then hes like.. dont get me wrong.. i love the way your pants fit on you.. and his friend is like smiling.. omg.. GORGEOUS!! too bad im jailbait. sooooo i finally get on my train.. and im like sitting there.. and the train isnt moving becos there was a police investigation.. so im sitting on an almost empty train and this weird guy sits right nex to me and im like pretending i dont see him. and this girl was sitting to the right on me.. and me and her start talking. her name is rachel (but i dont know that right now). so anyways, rachel, myself, and mr. creepy get off at the same stop.. and the guy is all like trying to talk to me .. and hes like. oh.. you are so sexii blah blah blah.. and im like trying to run away.. and rachels like laughing at me.. then i finally get rid of him.. and me and rachel are talking..im telling her how safe i feel in my neighborhood. alluva sudden we hear gunshots.. and i grab her hand.. and we start running. and so i wa slike a block away from my house.. but there were still gunshots.. so shes like you want to come to my house.. and im like freaked outt so im like yeah.. so we go to her place.. and the cops are like patroling EVERYWHERE!! and so me and her ended talking..a nd were just like this is so funny how we met ...whats your name? and so i call my aunt.. and shes like GET HOME NOW!!! but i couldn't leave cos the cops wouldn't let anyobody go.. so i finally got home and had some chinese food. the end.
oh wait theres more...
yeeah.. okays byes.. email me back i lovvv you!!!

haha there is more.. but thats not really important.. just about a guy i really really truly do detest.. for life.


<3
[1] blah blah blah...

Thursday, May 26th, 2005

Subject:THE FULL monty
Time:12:50 PM on Thursday,
May 26, 2005
hi
wow, i dont even know where to start. its been a long two days.. or few weeks rather. im so extremely tired, but i have to force myself to stay up. im commited to not screw up the rest of my junior year.
well, as if things couldnt get any worst.. i had just about the worst, yet most enlightening day ive had in a while. i dont know if i thought i was going to die or not.. but i was just really really scared, and the after effects of my crying, lead to my super migraine i have today.
OKAY so heres what happened yesterday at school, something went wrong with my heart, and i couldnt breathe and it hurt SO BAD... so i went down to the nurse. and im crying like hysterically cos i couldnt breathe and i didnt know why my heart hurt so bad. so she called the ambulance.. and the paramedics did a test on my heart. and it turned out that my heart was beating too slow. like and old persons. the (very cute) paramedic was like wow.. ive never seen anyone this age with a problem like that. they knew i had arythmia, but still it was super low.
so.. im like crying even more.. and begging them not to take me to the hospital..but they did. and i had to do even more test when i got there.. and i felt so lethargic, so sad, i really did not want to be there. i was just so aggravated cos i just wanted to know what was wrong with me...and this happened like a week before my HOLTER test (heart monitor) thing
they finally told me i could leave..which made me happy, and i didnt miss american idol. but i was really bummed becos bo lost.
so um, no im home.. missing yet another day of school. i really dont want to get behind, but its like everything i didnt feel yesterday, hurt really bad today. ive lost alot of weight too.. its weird. i just hope everything good and well with my body.
i want to be healthy. :-(

okays thats all.. i want to sleep
nite guys.
[1] blah blah blah...

Saturday, May 21st, 2005

Time:5:10 PM on Saturday,
May 21, 2005
right now, in this moment, i miss florida.
just cos i was wondering how conerstone wouldve been.. ahhh.. i heard acceptance the other night on the late late show.. and i was like WOW.. i really love their new song.. and i miss there old ones. or atleast listening to it..then i remembered the last time i listened to them was with david.. a couple days before i left.. when we were going to tampa..hehe..
it really seems like forever ago.
today was really good day.. went down to central park with gracie.it was to rain and it didnt.. it was beautiful. now im here. home. chillin. listening to coldplay..well now justin timberlake..
yes i still listen to jt.. and proud of it. cos im cool
n jbbnnb f f f f ;l
oh gracie says hi..

<3
[3] blah blah blah...

Thursday, May 12th, 2005

Time:11:03 PM on Thursday,
May 12, 2005
Mood: tired.
i am so tired. and i have been for a while. my studies are oh so completely overwhelming. i dont think i've studied this hard in forever.
well my new school... is okay to say the least. the people there are very friendly, too friendly perhaps. and for some reason everyone seems to be amazed and confused by the way i talk.
it's okay here. i just cant wait til i get everything outta the way. THEN, i can go out and have more fun...only a month and a half then im free!! technically 23 days til the SAT's and 5 more weeks til REGENTS.. which i think ill do surprisingly well on.. but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
i percieve myself to be this introverted, nerdy.. doof. im just so unlike myself.
i just havent been my usual happy exuberant eccentric self...ive become just a really tired girl that studies way too hard, and has no times for fun or love or anything else. i seem kinda bland..actually i seem really bland monochromatic just about.
by the by, i dont have a boifriend anymore. yay!! kinda. i just finished watching LOVE ACTUALLY and felt so-so about the fact that im not with HIM anymore. i do miss being in love..but the next time i want it to be this overly saturated i love you baby kind of love.. i mean if that little boy can run after that girl to tell her that he loves her...why cant a grown guy. i cant honestly say that i was jealous of a 12 year old..
anyways, as of now i dont really feel like being with anyone. im kinda content being my weird new found love for history nerdy self..and i dont really need someone to take that away.. right now.

so yes. thats all.

oh and i have to go see a cardiologist again.. so whomever reads wish my luck and prayers.. and uh.. i miss florida. sorta. yea

<3
[1] blah blah blah...

Wednesday, March 30th, 2005

Time:1:20 PM on Wednesday,
March 30, 2005
nothings getting better.
it only gets worst.

im truly starting to feel like an insane person. these weird thoughts are so persistent. when i sleep, wake up, or try to do something other than worry, its always in the back of my mind. im becoming increasingly paranoid, about something that i dont even know or understand.
and there's always this crazy gut feeling i have. i overwork myself thinking about what my defiant conscience could be so unsettling about.

the obvious things i worry about
*about my life, in the physical and spiritual sense.
*my boifriend and my friends, whether i would ever see them again.
(god forbid, id die here, and never have the chance to go back home right my wrongs and say im sorry).i ask for forgiveness constantly. i pray in constant repetition. even so far as to go on a prayer fast.
these problems, i know, are quite obvious and distinguishable. i understand, how it would contribute to the paranoid way that i feel. i always keep feeling like something might happen and i wouldnt be there.
but theres something else that keeps bothering me, that im unsure of. i just keep having these weird feeling, and im driving myself crazy trying to figure out what it is and why it has me so sad.

im so bummed. i miss florida. i dont really miss my mother, which is kinda wrong. but i miss my friends. and it sucks knowing that everyone will forget about you in a heartbeat.

my aunt wont let me get a job to get money to fly back home for the summer. and i wouldnt ask my boifriend for money. i figure if i get 1.50 a day i could buy my own ticket...well see
[6] blah blah blah...

Tuesday, October 26th, 2004

Subject:blurgh. argh. waamm
Time:5:55 PM on Tuesday,
October 26, 2004
1) Using Band names spell out your name
R*
E*mery
N*
D*eath cab for cutie
I*nterpol
N*
2) Have you ever had a song written about you? haha. yesssss
3) What song makes you cry? dcfc- sleep spent. ahh the memories.
4) What song makes you happy?
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? coldplay, death cab, gary jules

HEIGHT: 5'4
HAIR COLOR: black
SKIN COLOR: black
EYE COLOR: brown
PIERCINGS: 8
TATTOOS: birhtmarks
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: d. blue
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: nada..but if i could itd be GWEN.
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH? The taste of ink
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: pretty chilly
How ARE YOU: elated, anticipant, and paranoid.
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: ugh. yess
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: i like you bite your** neck
TAG ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: they too busy :(. show no luv
BROKEN THE LAW: kinda sorta... :-)
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: yes.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: no, but looking forward to it.
A PRANK PHONE CALL: 'hellow..is jonny there? he didnt show up for our date and im in the raiiinn' LOL!
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: SICKNESS
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: yes no maybe so.. whats it to you.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: of cours.e. and i got found out too. so now im grounded.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAy- ah yes.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: omigosh yes. were so. MO. LOL.
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: nope
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: the used~the used.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: flirtacious sparkle pink
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: make-up, shoes, boys, guitars, tom, kay, jailbait... i mean uh.. JUST KIDDING!
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: tom. or kay.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: next cd i wanna get...LOVE ANGEL MUSIC BABY.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: PImPin.. 24 days a week. 7 hours a day.. hehe.
LAST TIME/THING...
YOU CRIED?: 2 days ago. for mi madre
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: less than a week ago. emails are so much more effecient.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: last night
THING YOU PURCHASED: dunt member..<3
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Fashion Police.. yes. i am a loser.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: no comprehende me ellos!!
blah blah blah...

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004

Subject:*drooooooollssssssssss*
Time:9:50 AM on Tuesday,
September 28, 2004
Mood: giddy.
tOday MuST...
be my lucky day or something.. omg. i saw the 'MY BOO' vid about 3 times and i just want to cry everytime i see it.
i must be a big cheeseball, but its so sweet. and hes so FINNEE!!! and Alicia Keys looked so HAWT it should be wrong to look that pretty.
hes so beautiful. LOL i didnt tell you guys about what i did onn... thursday night. LOL. well the Usher conc was on this past Friday and i guess it was REALLLLYYY GOODDD. and i wanted to go. so i was calling 1055 like non stop. like when my cell went busy id call on the house phone.. haha.. im laughing at myself just thinking about it. im gonna be in soo much trouble when my momma looks at that bill.. i hope it aint bad.
but yea.
needless to say i wasnt not the 105 caller. they didnt even pick up. i think they blocked my calls after a while.

its all a conspiracy...

why are there like no hott guys here. gosh. so unfair.
all i want is to touch his ab..
:-(
blah blah blah...

Monday, September 27th, 2004

Time:1:38 PM on Monday,
September 27, 2004
Mood: amused.
recaps of the past couple days.
-friday. had chinese and bk with katie, slept over her house and was really siicck and tired the next day.
-saturday. decided to go to the mall to devise our major plan...haha. had to take the bus. NEVER AGAIN!! these weird guys kept talking about the war. and P diddy's manager was on the bus because his bentley broke down. LOL! mmmm. got to the mall. no hotties and weird scary guys kept looking at Kay...el grossness. went home that night
got really weirded outt by being by myself and the hurricane. so i called my moms boyfriend and his daughter came over. and we hung out for a bit and she talked to her boyfriend. and we didnt leave til... like almost one in the morning.
sunday- woke up late in weird house in weird bed. sick. talked to the guinea pigs not realizing the boa constrictor was under the table. it couldve bit off my toe.
jim then took us shopping. i got this really cute pleated skirt.

yummay hottness.

today is monday and im really tired. and sick..my mom went to the hospital today. she wont be back til tomorrow. something with her heart. she called and like sounded really kinda sad. i could tell she wanted to say something nice but couldnt. its kinda sad that if either of us were to die (not being morbid) but i wouldnt know whether she liked me or not. i ton of people called. felt kinda speshial. tom came over for like 15 minutes. to say he was going shopping.. then left. i want someone to visit meeee.. im bored.

*ren*
[2] blah blah blah...

Friday, September 24th, 2004

Subject:im sickly.
Time:10:45 PM on Friday,
September 24, 2004
Mood: sick.
today was a good day
-family left
-at my best friends.
-i gues sim going to homecoming.. i think

Okay so...todays a friday. and im happy. i was so bummin cos i thought i would be stuck in my house like for the whole weekend. but im at kay's right. we got chinese which was a trip in itself. this crazzi guy came in singing. then we looked at rims like four times the size of...i dunno think of something moderately big and times it by four. then went to her house and laughed at the real world for the 49457349392839274975 x infinity. time. EVERYONE NEEDS A BEST FRIEND.
well trace and i was s'posed to go shopping tomorrow to buy homecoming dressez! cos im actually going this year, but lame ass hasnt called me back. i wansta go back to lehigh
:-(
sad face*

okay lets just cross our fingers and hope that the guys are doing something tomorrow night. i need to have some fuuunn. and that bi-polar crazzi-o isnt being bi-polar.
i dont get anything at all.
blah blah blah...

Sunday, September 19th, 2004

Subject:i want you to know that.. i miss you.. i miss you so.
Time:4:55 PM on Sunday,
September 19, 2004
Mood: pensive.
Hi im from Mason, Wis-can-sin.
*2 hrs later*
Hi im from Riverfalls, Wis-can-sin.

Why do people lie? The instead of facing the consequences they present their guilt by somehow blaming it on others. People who lie are stupid.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

A part of me missing Lehigh. i want to go back, but ill feel like a sucker if i do. Read this convo. Ah, the irony...

PrYnCeSsReNn [9:26 PM]: ilovecookiedough ice cream
DorkyInc [9:26 PM]: me2
PrYnCeSsReNn [9:26 PM]: my comp is a peice of crap
DorkyInc [9:27 PM]: lol
DorkyInc [9:29 PM]: im tired
DorkyInc [9:29 PM]: like woah
PrYnCeSsReNn [9:29 PM]: i dunno how you persuaded your mom to let you go..
PrYnCeSsReNn [9:29 PM]: i need tips
PrYnCeSsReNn [9:29 PM]: oh..i ll let you go to bed then
DorkyInc [9:29 PM]: no
DorkyInc [9:29 PM]: not now hehe
DorkyInc [9:29 PM]: umm well..
DorkyInc [9:30 PM]: she gave me "strict guidelines" like i couldent be in band..but i am..lol but if it interfers with school i cant be in it..but umm..she said i couldent do much like ride with ppl buti do..lol
DorkyInc [9:30 PM]: but she gave me strict guidelines
DorkyInc [9:30 PM]: and like
DorkyInc [9:30 PM]: i just kept complaning
DorkyInc [9:30 PM]: EVERY DAY.
DorkyInc [9:30 PM]: like id call em at work crying
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: and i sat them down ever ynigth saying how unhappy i was
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: i never gave up.
PrYnCeSsReNn [9:31 PM]: LOL!1
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: im serious
PrYnCeSsReNn [9:31 PM]: its so funny these tips
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: i complained though
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: and eventuall
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: y
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: they were like
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: "fine its youre life!"
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: lol
DorkyInc [9:31 PM]: and they see the change in lehigh cuz i got beal asm y guidance counsler and she put me with good teachers
DorkyInc [9:33 PM]: just dont give up
DorkyInc [9:33 PM]: keep complaining
DorkyInc [9:33 PM]: okie im goin to bed tho hun<3
DorkyInc [9:33 PM]: xoxo
DorkyInc signed off at 9:35 PM
[1] blah blah blah...

Saturday, September 18th, 2004

Subject:Funnies Convo ever...Hardcore RW fans!!
Time:8:33 PM on Saturday,
September 18, 2004
Mood: nerdy.
senun: wow....
listen to death cab for cutie..and read your Bible.
lov yah
*ren

snikle:dont be mad cuz :: in the best MJ voice ::
i got this right heaa. and i got this right heaaa
<33 i love you dork face.

senun:i dont know if i have a good 'race-dar or im just very intuitive' to the fake spanish and black people in lehigh, but i get what you mean.
everyone wants to fit in and be a croll dawg i guess.
lol
<3yah budddie *ren

snikle:yeahh cuz us road dogs jus dont belong in this town where ' all we know is the south' well every monday and wednesday but the other days its jus 'timbs and... timbs' why do all tha hot guys have gay names.. at least theres no WILL-ee-ums..
thats the worst name ever ;]
<3ur rolled dawg.

senun:HAHAHAH!!!!1 times like fifty million that was SOO funny!
eerm. i just looked at youre title thing and i remembered that was the song we used to sing 'i dont see nuthin wrrooonngg wid a lil bump in grind--cos tonite i wanna get fareaky wid you--ill make lov to you...' LOL! those were them days. i think we sang that cos we been sexual since five!!
well hunnie.. i think we 'need more sleepie' cos we being saying some crazzi shiz when we are tired. and i got much respect for yah. lemme say it fifty more times. and 'if anyone tired to hurt yah. i got ya back. okayokayokayokay. member dat. i gots respect for you' (in bestest MJ voice)
*does big cheesey grin*
we so crazzi
<33 yah mold dawg.

snikle:lololol
but i think we get along so good becuz your the oposite of me . 'your tall and african american' .. i wasnt guna wear a bra the first day of school but i didnt wana be the gurl wit the hard nipples the first day .. but hey im not ashamed of that bone i have stickin out of my chest .. becuz mj kinda sorta has a gf anyways but im a blonde and he approaches em, even if theyre not that pretty .. and you kno how many femine guys i hang out wit ? not many at all ..i wonder if mine and victors relationship is considered a biracial one .. yeah its hard, but we gota do what we gota do .. thank god victor looks so much betta then 'shawn'

senun:OMFreakinG!!!! THATS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE!
yea i think we get along so well cos youll go to scary drag queen bars with me. i dunno what might be there. 'i picture attractive young men with big jugs of beer wearing chaps and doing shots off each others belly' i mean.... no i aint never been there!
oh me and bob have a sorta kinda relationship..well actually you can call it a sorta kinda not really. 'bob' says that he only likes hispanics, but i can change that. im a "natural latina-head..well my dad is anyways". but yea a gurl can dream
'i just want a boy to kiss'
by the way did you like my shirt? i had sex in it.. like my scrunchie? i had sex in that too...like my contacts? i had sex with just that on..im such a sexual being.
<33 yah my sold dawg
[5] blah blah blah...

Friday, September 17th, 2004

Subject:I been sexual since five....JUST KIDDING
Time:10:51 PM on Friday,
September 17, 2004
Mood: mischievous.
today was a pretty okay day.
wore my hair curly.. and everyone thought it was cuute. and fake
MY HAIR IS NOT FAKE GUYS!!!
then i had a really nice conversation with someone*. i felt kinda bad cos i prejudged the person. yet still i have much to find out.
hmmm..
trace stopped by she got her license. I feel like i an the only 16' year old that has nothing of tangibility to show for it.

OH and Usher was on T.V....he needs to hold off the singleness for about 2 more years! Then we can date. Why is he so hott.. His teeth, his lips, his hair.....ahhhhhh.
me likey.

*okay yah so thats it. Nothing to really say sides im really sad i cant go to the conc in Tampa.

You guys know you like my randomness with guys. Bert McCracken. Usher. Cos their just soo alike.

*ren
nites.
[5] blah blah blah...

Thursday, September 16th, 2004

Subject:Reality Bytes
Time:7:21 PM on Thursday,
September 16, 2004
**Im going to try post in everyone journal atleast twice a week. Out of respect..cos its nice.

im sucha dork

So here's goes my day had alotta fun actually. Spent the night at Tray-Linds house last night. We didnt go to bed til like 2! Crazzi gals. Talked about the Real World and how Landons hott.. and even hotter when hes drunk. Which isnt the bestest thing buut...
Went to the beach at around 11. No traffic! Woot Woot! Was lovin the day already. There was a bunch of us 21 to be exact.
Didnt really do much. Watched the guys play football, sorta skimboarded for like 2 seconds, with the ghetto board they made!! It was great. No hott guys to talk about, but there was tons of gorgeous girls and i 36% self-concious. OH speaking of self-conciousness i got my burrito fix. I swear im addicted. I must have one a month. lol. Then we went back to Colts 'bachelor' house and swam in his pool. Jess, Trace, Steve-o, Colt, and myself. I learned how to float and play marco-polo. Hoo0rah for me. Yes i know, one small step at time Ren. I dont think my mom will let me go out tomorrow,but judging by now, i think i just want to sleep in anyways....

i dont think my day wouldve went so well if i didnt have my Mochalatte...Yummy that was great.
[2] blah blah blah...

Wednesday, September 15th, 2004

Time:11:33 AM on Wednesday,
September 15, 2004
Mood: lethargic.
i apologize for however i come off today, actually i dont. just another warning for those who cannot handle my 'deeper' side. im feeling partially sad today...
today was one of </b>those days</b> where you dont want to get up. you lay in bed after hitting the buzzer on your alarm clock multiple times, all while wishing that sheets would engulf you and you wouldnt have to face the day. i hope thats a "accurate" depiction of what i felt this morning.
so i didnt go to school.
its becoming increasingly hard for me to carry on the charade that i do. the impression that im happy when im not.
being at this new school, the people are great and i have more 'friends' than one can ask for. but this moment in life i need something greater than friends..and accquaintances. as cheesey as it sounds i need <3. this remains a obscure yet evident thing for my family to grasps.

ew. i sound like them "emo-urgh" kids..nuthin against emo guys.. you know i lov ya!

i have this ingenious idea to leave everything behind and start anew care to join?
(im just kidding, buutt...)
[4] blah blah blah...

Tuesday, September 14th, 2004

Subject:Lalala...
Time:7:37 PM on Tuesday,
September 14, 2004
Mood: confused.
Hola.. whoever dares actually read my ADD-esque, random, indecipherable thoughts.. be prepared..

dun dun dunn

i stayed home from school today. 43% because i was severely emotionally distressed*. 24% cos i was gonna to whoop some ass! just kidding.. well not really. i was so POed i was afraid whod i blow up atand quite possibly get expelled. thats the new rule at my school. by far the dumbest rule ive ever heard. and the other percent. whoever wants to counts..because i need to evaluate my life..which i didnt. i just kinda slept and watched music vids all day. sad.

niice.

ps- i miss my buddie trace
"edison is not your calling i know it so stop your wonderful smart sweet down to earth outgoing and a all around GOOD person with a great head on you shoulders you will go far honey trust me god set you up with so much its not even funny"

i have the coolest friends.

im on a quest of self-discovery. care to join me? we can be like Hobbits or something
[2] blah blah blah...

Time:5:47 AM on Tuesday,
September 14, 2004
Mood: blank.
i stayed home from school today. and its absolutely delightful. its about to rain so i think ill sit and enjoy it.

i love rain.
[5] blah blah blah...

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